Growing Up Asian American — LA, NY, SF

Happy Asian Pacific American Heritage Month!

I know it’s the end of the month, but it’s better late than never. A couple weeks ago, I wrote about stumbling upon the A100 Honorees that made me think: “Wow, I could do this too.” I continued to discover numerous other creators, industry leaders, and communities that shared their stories for APAHM 2018 in ways I’ve never really connected to before. On one fateful Tuesday night, I stayed up until 3 am writing about my own Asian American story. A couple weeks later, I produced my very first YouTube video to share my story with you.

I’ve never produced a video on my own before, so this is the first (of many to come, hopefully!) Just so you know, most of the footage is from of actual experiences in my life.

Not gonna lie — the process of sharing my work publicly was absolutely terrifying, but this was something I’ve always wanted to overcome. So, here’s to overcoming fears in adulthood! I want to give my thanks to the creators and leaders who inspired me to gather the courage for this:

➥The Asian Boss Girl Podcast Hosts (Helen, Janet, & Mel)
➥ Jenn Im — “Growing Up Korean American”
➥ Vagabond Youth — “Growing Up Asian American Tag”
➥ The A100s Honorees
➥ Heritage SF (by Boba Guys)

If you’ve connected to my story in any shape or form, please share your thoughts with me! I’d love to hear all about them.

Yours truly,

Chloe

My Asian American Story — Spoken Word

by Chloe Shih (May 2018)

» Anime & Dramas

I think it all began when I started watching the dramas.

Oh yes — it was Smiling Pasta, Devil Beside You, It Started with a Kiss, & Meteor Garden — I watched them all in my pajamas.

I kinda learned Chinese that way — using English subtitles.

In middle school, I got fobby bangs because Rainie Yang was my ultimate idol

I joined Soompi forums and went through a Kpop phase

I fell in love with Mickey from DBSK.

But abandoned him when I discovered Jpop out of the blue.

I swore I’d move to Japan and marry Masuda Takahisa from the boyband NEWS.

One day, I met a ninja named Naruto from this place called Hidden Leaf.

He was an outcast without parents but wanted to be the next village chief.

He became my hero because he’d literally never gave up

No matter how unfair things were or how much life sucked.

To this day, his resiliency is one that helped me stay grounded.

It got me through the teenage adversity that I proudly surmounted.

He’s also the reason why I am so obsessed with ramen

I once ate 7 bowls in an all-you-can-eat competition.

» Hometown & Family

Ah — that was a fun time for me to reminisce

I didn’t know how complicated life would be and lived in a state of bliss.

I’m fortunate though — I’m from the 626 area in LA

Where we’ve got the largest Asian population in all the states

On one boulevard alone — there’s over 600 Asian restaurants

Filled with non-English menus all printed in the same typefonts.

Every week I had my fill of beef noodle, ramen, and spicy seafood soup.

Cash only of course — if you wanted a discount to come through.

I’d panic when my parents made me order takeout because I sucked at Chinese.

I’d shamefully point to the menu and say “This one please”.

Xie Xie.

At 26, my parents moved across the world not knowing a single English word.

They wanted that better and brighter future that they thought America offered.

But they quickly learned that life is not all rainbows and butterflies.

It’s about working harder than anyone and living with sacrifice.

My dad kinda failed his business and took community college classes.

Where he found his passion for the world of eyeglasses.

He flew to NYC to pursue higher education

Which left my mom all alone in my childhood gestation

She had to take care of 3 kids, work full-time at minimum wage, and send money to my dad

Yo — that’s hard work. I’m just sayin’ I could never do that.

Mad respect though for the first-gen immigrants.

They’ve got an unparalleled work ethic and unlimited diligence.

But it was hard — with a household income of $40,000.

The pressure was real to becoming a medical scholar.

I had a rough upbringing — and that’s all I’m gonna say publicly.

But regardless of the dark times, I still view my family lovingly.

All my life, they worked 7 days a week.

Never took a vacation — just so I can live debt-free.

I see how much they’ve done for me.

And I know I have to do all I can to succeed.

» Growing Up

And so my journey began.

I went to the Claremont Colleges for a liberal arts degree.

That was the first time I met rich people who didn’t quite look like me.

They spent their summers in Europe and came from expensive boarding schools.

They smoked a ton of weed and they didn’t really follow the dorm rules.

One day, I looked around my class and realized

Omg — I’m the minority.

I’m literally the only full Taiwanese person as far as the eye could see.

There were like 10 of us Asian kids in my entire graduating class.

So we all joined the Asian American club to see who else was on this path.

I felt out of place at my school at Pitzer College.

I couldn’t bring my whole self — it was a mental blockage.

But that’s what being Asian American is all about.

It’s not fitting the check boxes, but having to figure it out.

It’s creating your own trajectory and being unafraid of the doubt

It’s defining your identity when you thought you had worked it all out

After that, I went to Columbia to become an engineer

Mostly to test how much of life I could actually persevere

The NYC winter was more brutal than ever

I knew my Californian soul could not live there forever.

It was during these years I grew a chip on my shoulder

And that chip gave me the courage to be much, much bolder

I stood up against bullies who were entitled to their might.

I got rejected from project teams by international students cuz I wasn’t white.

I applied for 150 internships before getting my first offer in the mail.

I never took a break, never partied — so I could live today to tell this tale.

I had a choice in this time where everything felt wrong.

To let my situation crush me or to rise above and come out strong.

I launched a new club, a new conference with a whole new vision

It was hard, but that hard work came to fruition.

I graduated receiving 3 awards and the highest medal of honor

For embodying the greatest level of service, character, and was an academic scholar

I have a scholarship in my name that awards leaders who give more

The ones who go above and beyond in the things they’re fighting for.

Just for the record — awards aren’t everything but it’s these moments that last forever

The moments where you’ve failed and failed again but you chose to pull it together

» Embracing the Asian American I am

I love who I am, where I’m from, and how it all began

But I want to share with the world the story that never goes according to plan

Being Asian American means that life is kinda hard.

We’ve got a history that’s permanently marked us with scars.

Being Asian American means I’ll have to try much harder in industry

It means I have the lowest odds of getting promoted statistically

It means I’ll probably never be an executive realistically.

It means I’ll get microaggressed constantly and explicitly.

Not only that, someone like me will probably never be on Wikipedia

Not only that, it means that I won’t be represented in mass media.

Although our people are known to save you from leukemia

I can’t be a CEO since I don’t fit the criteria.

And that’s okay.

Because I had to try all my life.

I had no backup plan when facing my strife.

I had no safety net when walking the tightrope

I had no option but to charge forward and rely on hope.

And when you’ve lived your life with all the odds stacked against you

You kind of become invincible and you start making your breakthroughs.

Asian Americans, by history and not by choice, have had to live this way

We were meant to be trailblazers, innovators from the very first day.

Because courage is not the absence of fear — It’s what you do in the face of it.

Being Asian American takes the darkness and erases it

Our generation takes adversity and displaces it.

It embraces it.

So what else does being Asian American mean for me?

It means I’ll probably look like this until I’m 40.

It means I have family I can visit here and across the sea.

It means every success story I hear this month I am proud to be

Asian American…especially in 2018.

Here’s to the untold stories of future Asian Americans.

To the leaders that we didn’t know we could become in comparison.

To the A100 Honorees that have paved the path for people like me

To the Oscar nominees who did all the work behind the scenes.

Being Asian American has never felt this much better.

It’s kind of cool to have a chip on your shoulder and be a go-getter.

It’s cool to have a story to share that can inspire others.

And I hope you can celebrate with me too no matter your color.

Thank you.